Year 25 - A Year That Keeps On Giving

Today, 5 months to the day after the start of my miscarriage, Dilan and I met with an ENT doctor to decide my treatment plan to tackle Thyroid Cancer. Papillary Carcinoma to be exact. As much as I want this to be an April Fool's joke, it's my new reality. 

The "C" word is not really the news you want to hear at 25. 

I was diagnosed a week ago after a nodule was found on my thyroid during a routine physical. That was followed by an ultrasound, which was followed by a biopsy. That was followed by phone call from my doctor asking if I could come in that afternoon. I knew it wasn't good when they asked me to come in as quick as they did. I'm glad Dilan was there for both of my appointments, because honestly I was able to comprehend about half of the information because of my shock. Since that moment, I've cried at SO STINKIN' MANY THINGS. I've honestly felt like I've lived my past week in slow motion and on the brink of tears. 

I've cried because it's not fair. 

I've cried because I am tired of feeling broken. 

I've cried because hearing the words "it's cancer" on repeat makes your world stop over, and over, and over.

I'm fighting through frustration and sorrow with God at just how much I've been dealt.

I'm fighting through grief and frustration surrounding the fact we'll have to push our "trying for kids" timeline a year further than we've already pushed it after the miscarriage. 

I've prayed for good news, good doctors, and a quick response to be able to start the process of healing physically and emotionally once again.

I've realized just how amazing of a support system I have been blessed with throughout all parts of my life. And I am truly thankful for each and every one of you - even when you lovingly tell me "take the time, don't worry about anything at school" :) 

Thankfully, the prognosis for Papillary Carcinoma is very good, my doctors believe we've caught it early and don't believe it's spread beyond the tumor. I will go in for surgery on the 12th to remove my entire thyroid due to the size of the tumor and to decrease the likelihood of it reoccurring. 

As a planner, these past few months of utter brokenness was not on my agenda. But, after my miscarriage, I prayed for answers for why it happened. It's not the news I wanted, but maybe this is my answer. Part of me is thankful for my miscarriage as I wouldn't have gone in for my physical as soon as I did without it, which lead to catching it earlier than we might have. 

I'm sure I'll have many more reflections on this year and the journey of healing emotionally and physically from a miscarriage and cancer simultaneously, but today just sharing the news and raw emotions is all I have in me.

Here's to a journey of kicking cancer's ass, pushing myself to allow others to help (which I'm terrible at so I'm sorry in advance if I push back), and continuing to find joy in the little things in life. Because when you're faced with a scary diagnosis - they honestly quickly become the biggest things.