Surrender
We're on the second day of 2018. So far I can tell you two things. First, I already know I'm going to struggle writing the new year, again. Second, this coming year is going to be another one full of adventures, but also a time for me to slow down and reflect on 2017.
For those of you who know me, 2017 was a bit of a whirlwind to say the least. Between moving home, student teaching, getting engaged, planning a graduating, planning a wedding, changing my plans mid-summer to stay in Kansas instead of move to Georgia, starting my first teaching job, getting married, and moving out, 2017 was one that I will never forget, but also one that I am ready for a break from.
With all of the craziness of the year, I haven't had a whole lot of time to reflect on the emotions throughout the year and fully process everything. And boy can I tell through the frustrations and tensions and anxieties I have. I have decided that I am yielding 2018 to that.
If I could sum up 2017 in one word it would be "Surrender." From as far back as I can remember, I have struggled, no, let's say had an ever changing relationship with perfectionism, control, and anxiety. In some aspects those can all be a good thing, but in too strong of a dose, they can be fatal character flaws. I always want a plan. I get anxious when I don't have one or things don't go according to that said plan. 2017 wrecked my "well-thought-out," "never going to change," "this is what's going to happen" plans. 2017 Wrecked. My. World. 2017 brought up things I didn't think I'd have to deal with again, emotions I had suppressed for years of anxiety, frustration, self-doubt, and so. much. more. But you know what, I'm still here. I made it though 2017. Even though I made it through, I still have a long way to go. I still have many goals I want to make for myself and many areas I hope to grow in. I mean life is too short to stay stagnant right?
As 2018 approaches... ehh I mean continues to unfold... my goal is to learn what it fully looks like to surrender. To learn the purpose of fully surrendering to our Lord. To surrender those well-thought-out plans. I mean in His word it says He has a plan for us, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11. His plan is better than any other plan I could EVER dream for myself, why do I continue to push for my plan to be the triumphant one? Now I'm not saying I'm going to do a complete 180 and not going plan a thing, but I strive to learn what those limits are for my perfectionism, anxiety, and control, and what those limits look like for the period of life that I'm in now. What do these limits look like in my marriage now that the craziness has calmed down? What does my limit of perfectionism look like in my job on a daily basis? What about control over the finances and day to day situations? Where does anxiety play a part in my daily life and what are the limits? How can I learn to love the chaos as much as I do a well-though-out plan? I have a lot of room to grow, work to do, and {some} plans to make, but also I have to find a balance. I'm going to surrender.
“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” -Steve Maraboli
For those of you who know me, 2017 was a bit of a whirlwind to say the least. Between moving home, student teaching, getting engaged, planning a graduating, planning a wedding, changing my plans mid-summer to stay in Kansas instead of move to Georgia, starting my first teaching job, getting married, and moving out, 2017 was one that I will never forget, but also one that I am ready for a break from.
With all of the craziness of the year, I haven't had a whole lot of time to reflect on the emotions throughout the year and fully process everything. And boy can I tell through the frustrations and tensions and anxieties I have. I have decided that I am yielding 2018 to that.
If I could sum up 2017 in one word it would be "Surrender." From as far back as I can remember, I have struggled, no, let's say had an ever changing relationship with perfectionism, control, and anxiety. In some aspects those can all be a good thing, but in too strong of a dose, they can be fatal character flaws. I always want a plan. I get anxious when I don't have one or things don't go according to that said plan. 2017 wrecked my "well-thought-out," "never going to change," "this is what's going to happen" plans. 2017 Wrecked. My. World. 2017 brought up things I didn't think I'd have to deal with again, emotions I had suppressed for years of anxiety, frustration, self-doubt, and so. much. more. But you know what, I'm still here. I made it though 2017. Even though I made it through, I still have a long way to go. I still have many goals I want to make for myself and many areas I hope to grow in. I mean life is too short to stay stagnant right?
As 2018 approaches... ehh I mean continues to unfold... my goal is to learn what it fully looks like to surrender. To learn the purpose of fully surrendering to our Lord. To surrender those well-thought-out plans. I mean in His word it says He has a plan for us, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11. His plan is better than any other plan I could EVER dream for myself, why do I continue to push for my plan to be the triumphant one? Now I'm not saying I'm going to do a complete 180 and not going plan a thing, but I strive to learn what those limits are for my perfectionism, anxiety, and control, and what those limits look like for the period of life that I'm in now. What do these limits look like in my marriage now that the craziness has calmed down? What does my limit of perfectionism look like in my job on a daily basis? What about control over the finances and day to day situations? Where does anxiety play a part in my daily life and what are the limits? How can I learn to love the chaos as much as I do a well-though-out plan? I have a lot of room to grow, work to do, and {some} plans to make, but also I have to find a balance. I'm going to surrender.
“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.” -Steve Maraboli
Comments
Post a Comment